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[26 Dec 2004|01:45am] |
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Hey anyone and everyone I'm home. sorry I haven't been on since I left, not that I every really was on that often before. Anyway BMT was awesome, I loved it. I know that sounds really insane, especially to Lynda, but I really did. Right Before I graduated I found out what my job was going to be...2A533C - Integrated Avionics Systems Apprentice - Electronic Warfare, plain and simple I work on nuclear bombers. I've been at Keesler AFB in Biloxi MS studying electronic principles since oct 22. I'm home until january 2 then I go back to Keesler until the 13th and then I go to Sheppard AFB near Dallas for 14-17 weeks to go to school for my actual job. I wont know where I'm going to be stationed 'til February or March. I've made some really good friends and I love Biloxi simply for the fact that there are a lot of ugly hillbilly motherfuckers to make fun of. Andrew we should hang out before I go back
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(3 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[14 Jul 2004|03:59pm] |
who prays and serves,
and prays some more ?
and feeds the beggar
at the door ??
and weeps o'er love
long lost before ???
poor, pisces !
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(3 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[11 Jul 2004|10:35pm] |
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You talk more than you have in a long time and the sound of your own voice may not register as familiar. Feel free to reinvent yourself when it's appropriate. The stars show you more of the world's beauty than you realized was available. Someone is addressing you with beautiful words, poems, sweet prose, candy and flowers ... let your senses enjoy the special treatment.
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(Fuck Yourself)
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[07 Jul 2004|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
] |
god its been so long since ive been here. Anyway I've been back from Lynda's graduation for a couple days now and I guess I have to bite the bullet and update. It was great. I got to spend good quality time with Janice, lol. For the first second or two I didn't recognize Lynda. She is still soooooo beautiful. Her uniform is way too big for her. The first thing we did was eat a fucking shitload of popeyes chicken. This was the first ever graduation where they got to leave base on friday as well as saturday. So we celebrated with some Bennihanas. And I got a little bitched at because we got a little lost on the way there but it's ok cause I found out the old Lynda's still in there. I ordered a dvd and I'll get it in 4-6 weeks. If you want more info on the graduation ask me about it but as for Lynda and tech school... She's still at Lackland. She got all packed at 2:10 monday morning. Got on the bus a drove a whole 2 mins to the other side of Lackland where her school is. Tech school for what job? Services! She's going to be "fucking chopping carrots in Iraq for the next 2 years!" To tell the truth I'm sad for her but I'm a little happy for myself. Because although she's not happy about it because she'll feel like she not working to her abilities, I'm glad she's going to be a little bit safer. And not only did she get services but they said her earliest graduation date would be september 1st. So I'm telling my recruiter I'm not leaving until at least november 1st. Because I am not going to the airforce without being married to her, because I wont to make my career in the air force the best it can be and if I dont see her for 2 more years I will hate my life. whew man after almost 2 months of not posting that took alot out of me so maybe I'll post again later
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(5 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[16 Jun 2004|10:37pm] |
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I talked to lynda today. Shes having a really hard time. She said like in the beginning girls were dropping out 2 a day. She's suppossed to call me again tomorrow. I hope so cause I really need to talk her again. talk more later see ya
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(1 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[13 Jun 2004|09:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 I don't know |
] |
| satanluvsall's LJ stalker is lyndank! | | lyndank is stalking you because you made a nasty comment on their LJ. They are also stalking the rest of your friends list! |
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(1 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[16 Feb 2004|01:41am] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
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I've been wishing for something to happen since tuesday and an hour and a half ago it finally did. So I'm going to use the hell out of the results, and by use I mean it in every sense of the word, and most of you probably have no idea what I'm talking about but here's a clue (M FOR D M FOR R) but the only people who know what that clue means probably already knew what I was talking about anyway...I know I'm babbling but I'm quite excited so fuck off...
oh yeah also I sold my car. ok I got less then half of what I bought it for, which really sucks, but oh well you win some you lose some. I was stupid for buying that thing in the first place. I should have bought the car I wanted in the first place, actually no I should've stopped stealing money from my job when they warned me to instead of being greedy and stealing even more, but at least I didn't rat on anyone and I never would. But then my life would be totally diffiernt than it is now and overall I like my life now. I wonder what it'd be like let's see, I would probably be with one of the coffee shop tramps, still smoking pot, driving my car farther into the ground, working for that soulless bastard dean, and I'd probably have a hernia, so yeah maybe my life right now might kinda suck and look like it's going nowhere fast but at least I can say that I'm happy. And even when I was working and going to school I was still just wasting my life, I wasn't doing anything I was just going through the motions, just making it look like I was doing something when anyone who really looked could see that it was all bullshit, whatever I'm done.
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(1 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[06 Feb 2004|03:15pm] |
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what the fuck did I do to deserve this
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(Fuck Yourself)
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[06 Feb 2004|05:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 morose |
] |
Lately I've been wishing everyone else, except Lynda, would lose the abilty to speak...and then die.
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(2 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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| ??? |
[23 Jan 2004|01:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dirty |
] |
It's been a long time since I've updated, it's been a long time since I've really been online.
- Well...umm...went retarded/insane today thanks to a mixture of chemicals, lack of food and sleep, and in some small way being at the one place I hate being more than anywhere else, I feel so wrong there even when I'm normal. And it only took 7 hours to get back to being able to really function.
- Lynda (
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) lyndank)</span> moved in which is awesome, at least for me. I'm so happy even if it is only for 4 months.
- I really hope I can get into the Air Force. If not I'm going to have to fix my life by myself and I don't really trust myself that much to get the job done.
- Me and Mike (nomading_metal) are friends again, thank god. That sucked.
- My car's getting fixed next friday, awsome, now I just need insurance since mine will be expired before then, and I don't really have the money for it but hopefully Mike remembers to bring my digitech back soon so I can sell it because it'll probably be enough for a months worth.
- So...tired....damn...m monster...don't know what else to say, goodbye.
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(1 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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| random thoughts |
[04 Jan 2004|10:46am] |
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Random quote of the night: "Straight dope feinds!"
My nose and my heart hate me right now. Haven't done that much coke in years, but its good cause now I feel like I don't need to do any more for a couple years.
Why do I have so much trouble communicating with the one person I care about more than anyone else in the world? I hate all this fighting. I hate how we misunderstand each oher and the cycle starts all over again. I hate the shit she's going through right now and I feel like there's nothing I can do to help. All I want to do is make her feel better. I don't know what to do but I would do anything.
Well I'm so out of it, I guess I'm done here.
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(2 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[03 Jan 2004|03:15am] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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I was just inspired to write a song...I haven't written a song in a really long time...here it is, it's called Time To Pay. I would apreciate it if eveyone would tell me what you think, good or bad. I like it but I can never really tell when its something I wrote.
Intro-
This is a time that should not be
Both the Earth and it's people are ruled by Satan
It has been said that soon his 1000 year reign will end and the Earth as we know it will cease to exist
His presence can be witnessed in the hearts and actions of man
His influence on humankind, God's so called children, is incredibly strong
Chorus-
I cannot forgive them / for their trangretions against us
The demons plague my thoughts / and they wont stop
Until their crimes/ have been fully resolved
Verse 1-
I will burn them down
They will know the pain they have caused me
We will have our revenge
On the ones who tried to take what we have
instead of nurturing it's growth
Verse 2-
When I look in your eyes
I can only see the pain that eats at your soul
I almost lost you to their traps
But you were strong / and I found my way back
Verse 3-
I feel so much disgust / towards humankind
Myself included / for I am the same
I know I'm no better / and like all the other
human shit / I too will pay
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(5 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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| welcome |
[01 Jan 2004|06:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hyper |
] |
Look who cralled out of the wood work...savagemetalchic...I would like be the first to welcome Rachel to the LJ party. She is a true savage...spilling blood at FSU shows...Ms. Utegard's class 4th grade. Well I can't focus at all right now so I'm gonna go... I hope everyone had a happy and safe New Years!! I know I had fun. -Sam
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(1 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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| oh great just what i need |
[29 Dec 2003|05:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 groggy |
] |
I couldn't sleep tonight because I had a nightmare about lynda, and I was so scared that I didn't want to go back to sleep. I was meant to be awake because just now when I came back inside from smoking. my dog Dez was standinding there shaking, licking her mouth, and making weird breathing noises. I knew it she had a seizure cause she used to get them like a year ago but this must have been a really bad one because she wanted me to comfort her and she was licking her mouth for 15 minutes. She hates it when you try to snuggle with her but she was rubbing against me and letting me hold her. I started to cry and she licked away my tears, it was so cute.If she would have died it would be so sad, I love her. When it was over she hit me in the eye so I would let go of her and went and laid down on her bed, lol.
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(2 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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| Cant sleep so bored |
[29 Dec 2003|12:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
1.What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
-got a speeding ticker, had a friend go insane
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
-fuck resolutions
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- yeah
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- no
5. What countries did you visit?
- none...weak
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
- happieness
7. What dates from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory?
- march: josh's and my birthday's
July 4th: kidnapping mike
July 15th: Catlin moved away to college
July 16th: getting fired
september 19th: dropping out of school
Oct 22nd: meating Eva
Oct 24th: meating Lynda
Nov 22: Eva's Bday
Dec 24: Catlin visits from college and shes huge
...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- none
9. What was your biggest failure?
- too many
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- poison oak like 8 times
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- drugs
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Eva for taking care of all of us
Lynda for not falling for it like me
Mike for surviving
US Troops
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- obviously, and myself
14. Where did most of your money go?
- gas, drugs, food, cigs
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- FSU
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
- Both the outkast songs, lil jon, milkshake
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
- this time last year i was always high but now im more content
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- the right thing
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- wasting time
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
- spent, same way as always
21. How will you be spending New Years?
- hopefully fucked up
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
- yes
23. How many one night stands?
- 0
24. What was your favorite TV program?
- Futurama, again, thank you cartoon network
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- unfortunetly
26. What was the best book you read?
- the da vinci code
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- arkangel
28. What did you want and get?
- xbox controllers
29. What did you want and not get?
- nothing
30. What was your favorite movie of this year?
- I wasn't all that impressed with any well maybe old school
31. What did you do on your birthday?
- I dont remember
32. What would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- keeping my job, staying in school, a working car
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
- boring
34. What kept you sane?
- next year
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- The Howard Jones, he is a genius
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
- the recall what a fucking joke
37. Who did you miss?
- dad, brother + family, mike for the first half of the year
38. Who was the best new person you met?
- Lynda and Eva
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
- Take care of your responsibilies first and then maybe do some partying but not every single fucking day
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- "a scarred existence/never truly finding peace/a lost world breeding predators who hunt out of insecurity/the pain of countless souls goes unanswered/our response is void/where were we then? we should stop this cycle/but we nurture its growth/tears flow and flow/our reactions fall incredibly short from the needed action/at some point we will have gone too far/we do not own one another/we must begin to nurture respect/at some point we must accept responsibility" - "willfull ignorance" - bhbs
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(1 fucked | Fuck Yourself)
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[28 Dec 2003|10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 peaceful |
] |
I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start with Josh. What a fucker! You're crazier than melissa. I am so glad that all the lies and the plans and the bullshit didn't work and me and the beautiful one can finally work on what we have together. And Josh if you ever try to pull that shit again I will kill you, and thats not an empty threat because now you are my stacy. Speaking of which, that didn't last long, huh I'm so suprised. Who would have thought that mike would rather depend on himself and his friends who can't really do too much for him than stay at an abusive house where the only person who treats him good is his little brother. Now thats a good kid. I hope my kid is as good a person as that little guy. I will be getting my shit staight now that I have a reason to live. Wow it's going to be weird, I haven't had a job since july. I love to work, I just hate getting the job. I was always early, I filled in for people when they needed it, I kissed so much ass, but thanks to pot and greed I got fired from the perfect job, but shit I'm just lucky they didn't press any charges. Well its been pretty crazy the past few days but I would like to thank everyone in my life for being there and being exactly who you are.
Lynda you are my reason for living.
Josh you are my reason for dying.
Mike you are the best partner in crime I've ever had.
Eva I will eventually pull my weight.
Ninja you'll probably never read this but I'm glad you made it into the bubble, I'm still amazed, 47 in 35 mins. You still owe me some soul calibur.
-Sam
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(Fuck Yourself)
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